Different Sides and Broken Pieces
by DySolo
Summary: Garcia's the only one who can pick up the pieces. Garcia/Reid. Set after The Big Game/Revelations. Rated T for Drug Use.
1. Chapter 1

Spencer closed his eyes listening to the jazz music play. The drugs mixed with the music was the best mixture ever made. He was over exaggerating, but still...he felt good. The artist was playing a cover of one of his favorite songs. He wasn't as good as the man himself, but who was better than Hendrix? No one could play with as much as passion.

"Well if it isn't my sweet little genius. What are you doing in a place like this?"

Spencer lazily opened his eyes to see the one and only Penelope Garcia. He smiled a little. "Garcia."

"You didn't answer my question, Junior." She sat across from him, looking up at the man playing the guitar. "Didn't figure you to be a Jimi fan."

"If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all." Spencer mused, reciting some lyrics before looking back up at man.

Garcia chuckled. "I don't think I've ever seen you so relaxed."

Spencer looked at himself. He was in a a brown plaid button up and jeans. Converses. He was comfortable. He shrugged. "Can't show up at a place like this in a suit and tie."

Garcia nodded. "Very true." 

"What are you doing here?" He asked, sipping his drink.

"I was on a date. It didn't go well. You?"

He closed his eyes again, the drugs flowing through him. He shrugged again. "I'm hiding."

Penelope leaned in, resting her elbows on the table. "Hiding from what, sweetie?"

"My thoughts." He murmured as the man finally finished his set. The MC announced another man with a guitar and Spencer sighed as they started to play Stevie Ray Vaughn.

"Ruining the classics tonight, aren't they?" He muttered.

"Spencer."

He opened his eyes again to look at the woman. Her amused look had been replaced with a look of concern. "Are you okay?"

He pushed his hair out of his face. "I'm fine."

"You've been..."

"I said I'm fine, Penelope."

She paused. He was snapping again. She looked up at the guitarist. "Is it worth it?" She asked, softly.

He looked at her, a little annoyed. She was ruining his night off. "Is what worth it?"

"The drugs." She said, looking back at him. He held his breath, neither saying a word as they stared at each other. Spencer was the first to back down, looking at his drink.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Everyone knows. No one is going to say anything though. They all know you'll get over it. That you're stronger than that, but... it's more than just being strong, isn't it? Takes a hold of you, makes you feel..." She looked back at the guitarist, appreciating the solo for a moment. "Makes you feel like you're...on top of the world."

"Free." He said, softly. "It makes me feel like I'm free."

Penelope nodded. "And you normally feel trapped?"

"Stuck. Stuck in a role. in a life. in a spot that I can't escape. I help. I've always helped. Always took care of someone else, saved their lives. from just a young age, too young. There's always been such a weight. Too much weight on my shoulders. I shoot it up and I feel... It's like.. the weight is gone. Save no one, but myself."

Garcia listened as the man spoke in broken sentences. He sounded like someone else. Spencer never spoke anything but perfect English, correcting the people around them for using wrong words.

"I feel it. I feel what they feel when they play. So analytical all the time and with... with just a plunge of a needle, I feel... I know what they speak of. Passion. I am not a passionate person, Penelope. Not at all, but when..I don't know."

Garcia watched him as he sipped his drink. The person up on stage finished his set and Reid stood up.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to play. Emily said I have the perfect hands for playing piano."

"Do you know how to play?"

"I've read about it."

Penelope stood up. "Spencer."

Spencer shrugged her off going up to the MC. Penelope sighed as the man sat at the keys. She hoped he didn't embarrass himself too bad.

She held her breath as his fingers moved over the keys, feeling them.. studying them for a second. A heckler called out, telling him to play and Spencer looked up and nodded. Penelope watched as he closed his eyes, popped his fingers and started to play. It didn't sound live a cover anything. It seemed as Spencer was just...improving, but that was impossible. He had never played. She watched in shock as the man in front of her played a beautiful soulful piece of music. She only breathed out when he stood up. She followed him as he tried to escape the club.

"Spencer!"

He didn't turn and she followed him into the alley. She grabbed his shoulder, turning him around. She was shocked to see tears streaming down his face. She pulled him into his arms as he sobbed. She was confused. In shock, she held the man as he completely broke down. She ran her hand through his hair as he cried, gripping her as if she was the only thing keeping him up.

She held on to him until his sobs subsided.

"Spencer it's okay."

"It's not okay. It's so far from okay."

She pulled back a little, looking at his face. He looked totally broken. Her sweet little genius was... hurting so much. She hugged him.

"We'll make it better, Spencer."

"I keep hearing his voice. I keep seeing..and itw on't go away. I dishonored my mother. I...I broke the commandments. 'Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.' I have to pay, I deserved to die. She sits there and she... She.. just... I should have taken care of her, I should have.. It was my responsibility and I didn't... I didn't do my duty as a son..as a..

Penelope pulled him back to her, her heart breaking as he broke down again.

"Spencer..."

He rested his head on her shoulder and she felt his ragged breaths on her neck. She rubbed his back.

"You did what you had to do. You were just a kid, Spencer. You were just a little boy."

"I was 18 when I commited her."

"You were trying to do good for yourself. You were at CalTech and she was in Vegas. You couldn't make that trip every day. It's.."

"262.29 miles."

"Exactly. a 4 hour trip one way. You put her in Bennington to make sure she was okay. You didn't dishonor her, you saved her. You write her a letter every day. You love your mother, Spencer. You're a great son. She loves you."

"I should have done-"

"You did everything you could. You took care of her for years all by yourself. You took care of her."

Spencer didn't say anything and Penelope hoped that was a good sign. Her fingers continued to move a long his back. He let out a ragged sigh. "I want to go home."

"I'll take you."

He nodded before looking up, his brown sad eyes staring into hers.

"Will you stay with me?"

She kissed his forehead. "For as long as you need me."

He smiled a little as Penelope walked with him. "Where did you learn to play like that, Spencer."

She had to know.

"We had an upright piano. My dad always played it before he left. I watched him. I never played it though."

"You never played before, really?"

Spencer shook his head. "My mother would sit at it, staring at the keys after he left. For hours. Sometimes I thought she could hear him playing still. She'd sit, still, eyes closed. and she...looked..." He paused. "Free."

"When she was normally trapped."

"I'm definitely her son, aren't I?"

She didn't know how to take his words, so she said nothing.

"Did playing make you feel better?" 

He nodded, before turning away. He was done sharing, retreating back into himself. Penelope stole a glance and him before starting the car, knowing she wouldn't get any more our of him. That's just how he was and she took the moments he opened up to her and cherished them, knowing how rare it was. Spencer wasn't normally a passionate person, his heart locked away behind walls, but sometimes... even Spencer was unable to contain the contents of his heart. And Penelope was glad to be there and collect the pieces.


	2. Chapter 2

Garcia looked around the apartment. It was very...Reid. It was really the only way she could describe it. Everything was...old. She guessed from around the 20s. Nothing looked less than 30 years old. He even had a record player. The larger stacks of books...everywhere, she had assumed, but the upright piano in the corner, the albums and record player she never would have guessed. She sat down on his couch and looked at him.

"Are you okay?"

He shrugged, making his way to his kitchen, grabbing a glass. She watched as he filled it with water and stood, blankly at the glass. He didn't look okay. A moment later, he sipped it and made his way to the couch. Pausing about midway towards her, he looked up.

"Do you want something drink?"

She smiled and shook her head. "I'm okay, sweetness."

He nodded and sat next to her, staring at the wall. He had no tv. She sat there next to him, wondering if she should talk. She looked back at him and decided she did.

"I was 18 when my parents died. Hit by a drunk driver. I... I didn't handle it well."

She looked at him as his eyes moved from the wall to her. He was paying attention to her, that was good.

"I...started hanging out with a bad crowd. A very bad crowd.I started to do things that were very unlike. Things I never would have done under my parents eyes. Drugs."

His eyebrows raised in shock. "And not just pain pills or a little pot. Hard nasty drugs. So much that I almost lost everything. I came this.. close to selling my system for a little meth. Thank god, someone was there to remind me that my computer was way more than some speed. But that's when I knew that enough was enough. I was going to sell my beautiful baby for 10 dollars of meth. I... got clean and I got really into hacking, my new drug... which lead me here. "

"How'd you stop?" He asked, softly, his eyes back on the wall.

Garcia leaned back and thought about those days. Detoxing from it had been hell, but after that.. it had been simple. She had just put all her energy into her computer. If she wasn't sleeping, she was hacking.

"I just...stopped." She said.

"I don't think I can...just stop."

"It's only been a month since To-"

"I know, but...I.."

"You can do anything you want to, Spencer, You're... you."

Spencer looked at her. "What does that mean?"

"It means you graduated at 12. You have three doctorate degrees and had them by the time a normal kid graduates with a bachelors. You're the youngest ever FBI agent to join the BAU. You can do anything you put your mind to. Hell, you played like a classically trained pianist tnight just because you wanted to. What does that say?"

"I read a lot of books."

Penelope rolled her eyes and grabbed his face. "You are more than just your brain, Spencer. You didn't get where you're at just because of this." She tapped on his skull. "But because of that and this." She paid, putting to his heart. "You said you're not a passionate person, I disagree. You're probably one of the most passionate persons I know. You're passionate about your job. Your education. You're passionate about your mother and Hell, I bet if you got a girlfriend, you'd be extremely passionate about her too. You're a perfectionist and very giving."

Spencer shrugged. "women don't find me...dateable."

Penelope snorted. "Are you kidding me, Spencer?"

He looked over at her. "I'm serious."

"Right."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't think you realize how attractive you are."

Spencer rolled his eyes. "I'm tall and skinny and nerdy."

"You do need a wardrobe update, but when it comes down to you, you're pretty sexy in that nerdy way."

He looked at her and she sighed.

"Your hair, the longer it gets, the sexier it becomes. You have amazing bone structure. Those eyes, God.. and your lips. When you pout, every woman in that office melts a little. Or when you're deep in thought and you furrow your brow, jut out your bottom lip. It's a little distracting, actually."

Spencer looked at her, a little amused glint in his eyes. "Everyone melts? Including you? What would Morgan say?"

Garcia chuckles a little. "Oh, Derek wouldn't believe it. To him you're just the lanky genius. He doesn't notice things like that."

"You really think I'm attractive?"

Garcia ruffled his hair. "Mmhmm. You said Emily said something about your fingers?'

"They were made for playing piano."

"She said something completely different to me." She teased, winking.

He flushed. "Nu uh."

She grinned. "Yes huh, but that's not my place."

Spencer leaned back against the couch, mulling over what she had told him. She watched him and smiled, noticing the distinct look complete with the slight pout. She stretched a little.

"Anyways, Reid. I should be heading-"

"no. You said you'd stay."

She looked at him. "You still want me to?"

He nodded. "I... I don't want to be alone."

Penelope nodded. "Alright, then I'll stay."


	3. Chapter 3

You're the truth in a world of lies.

Penelope couldn't believe she was laying in bed with Spencer Reid. Sure, she'd been there for him in his times of need. She had listened to him rant in her office time after time, but...being in his home, in his bad. Was this too much? She ran her fingers unconsciously through his hair, the only light in the room from a small night light that Spencer had. It amused her when he first saw it. He really was scared of the dark.

"You sleepin' Reid?" She asked, quietly.

"You're laying in my bed. Think you can call me Spencer." He muttered, snuggling into her side.

Penelope chuckled. God this was strange.

"Okay."

"Plus, you've already called me it eight times tonight." he looked up. "Why the sudden change?"

Penelope locked eyes with him and shrugged a little. Maybe because they were in a bed together and Spencer seemed too... personal. Like being in a bed with him wasn't personal enough.

"Why are you afraid of the dark?" She asked, suddenly and Spencer frowned.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Her fingers paused in his hair, looking down at him, concerned. "Did something happen?"

Spencer sighed. "When I was a child, my mother would never let me turn off the lights, scared that the police or FBI or someone was going to come and take me away from her. I never was in the dark until I didn't pay the electric bill one month and the lights were turned off."

He took a breath. "My mother went absolutely ballistic. She hid in the bathroom, clinging to me until exhaustion took over and I could go to the neighbors to call the electric company and deal with the situation."

Penelope listened. "How old were you?"

"It.. It was right after my dad left. I...My mother would hid the mail, thinking there was something in them, so I didn't... know where it was to pay it."

"You paid all the bills? With what money?"

"My mom was on disability. I guess, my dad paid the morgage, because I...i never paid that, but I paid all the others. We didn't have tv or a phone or...anything elective. We couldn't afford it. not that we needed it. All mom did was read."

"What about food?" She asked.

Spencer sighed. "I ate at school. and would come home and make her something to eat. I never really ate at home. Money was scarce and I could eat at school. S-Sometimes, I'd visit a dinner, and a waitress would...give me a free meal. She was a really nice lady."

"And in the summer?"

Spencer shrugged. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Penelope's heart broke. She had no idea his childhood was so...empty. Well, she knew he didn't have a normal one, that was ture, but...it was so...sad. Her fingers moved through his hair.

"Okay." She said, softly. He let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you."

**Criminal Minds || Different Sides and Broken Pieces**

Penelope was woken up by a shifting - no, thrashing - Spencer.

"no, no. no," He moaned and Penelope sat up, shaking him a little.

"Reid. Reid! Spencer!"

Spencer woke up with a gasp, his eyes still unfocused. "I.. He... He killed them and I just...I.."

"Spencer, you're okay. Hey, look at me. You're okay. You're safe."

"I let them die." He said, his bottom lip trembling, his eyes wet.

"Who, Spence? You didn't let anyone die. It was just a bad dream."

"I chose her. I chose her and he.. he killed that couple. He killed them. I killed them." He said, curling up into himself. "I killed them. She.. I..I read the corner's report. She was pregnant. That's why he killed them. She was pregnant and the man was cheating. I could have saved them. 'You've done your part, Now it's my turn.' and he killed them. Killed them because i didn't choose them, I.. I killed them, Garcia. Andrea and Jason Rowe and their little baby girl. I killed her. I killed her. I-"

Penelope grabbed a hold of the man, tears streaming down both of their faces. His from his guilt and hers, from his pain. How could she help him? How could anyone?

"It wasn't your fault, Spencer. He would have killed all of them if you hadn't."

"No! he wouldn't have. That wasn't the MO, that wasn't the profile. It was a test. it was a test to see if I was weak and I failed. I failed. I chose them to die. I made them die. He... He should have killed me, Penelope. He should have killed me."

Penelope held on to the man for what seemed like hours. She didn't speak until he was calmer.

"You won, Spencer. You beat him. No one else will die because of him."

"I killed him. I killed the man who helped him, who saved my life. I...I'm addicted to his drugs. I don't know who I am...so how is that winning? How have I won?"


	4. Chapter 4

Penelope left when Spencer's alarm went off. His apartment was feeling a little empty now that she was gone. He sat on the edge of his bed. She had been so great. She had woke up with every nightmare and held him and tried to make him feel better. He sighed. He didn't know how to get better. He looked over at his bag, which held his vials. He just had to get through the day. If he get through today, he could get through tomorrow and the next wasn't completely true and he knew it. Withdrawal symptoms usually started on the second day. The first day was relatively easy. He shook his head, sometimes he hated his mind. He got up, needing to shower and get ready. The hot water would feel good on his skin, help keep him occupied on something other than the drugs in his bag.

After his shower, he wasn't feeling any better. He usually started his day with a dose, if you will. He got dressed and grabbed his bag. If he could start working, maybe it wouldn't be so hard to resist. His mind would be busy on case files. The subway ride was long. Too long, filled with people who he knew had needles on them. Needles and their own drug of choice. He wasn't an addict like these people though. He wasn't. Yes he was. He was an addict and he needed it. But his mind raced to Penelope. She had beaten it. So could he. He could do this.

Spencer rushed into the BAU and Morgan gave him a look. "Where's the fire?" 

"I just want to work."

Morgan stared. "I don't understand you sometimes, Kid."

Spencer didn't respond, opening his case files. The first file he opened was a kidnapping case. Kids stolen. Stolen away from their families before being killed. Why? That's what they wanted to know, why? Why... Why had Tobias taken him?

He jumped when someone touched him. Penelope. He smiled when he saw her. His eyes not moving away from hers, even though he could feel Morgan's on had seen the jump, Spencer knew it.

"Hey Junior G-man, staring a little hard at that file. Pretty girl?" She teased. The same Garcia.

Spencer shook his head. He wasn't in the mood for teasing.

Penelope frowned. "You okay, Reid?"

Spencer nodded a little, turning back to his file.

He saw Morgan and Penelope stare a glance before Penelope cleared her throat. "Don't give me that, Junior. Your coffee cup is empty. Come on. Lets go get some java."

"I'm not -"

"Don't argue with the Goddess." Garcia said, a slight smile on her lips.

He looked up and matched the look. "Okay."

Reid got up, thinking about grabbing his bag, but left it. Less pressure. He followed the blonde into the break room, grabbing the cup when she handed it to him. She gave him a look.

"What's going on in that big brain of yours?"

"My brain is no bi-"

"...Spencer."

He sighed and set down the up of coffee. "I'm just... It's not a good day." He said, simply.

"Have you -" She paused when JJ came into refil her cup. "- Thought about ...playing again?"

"Playing?" JJ asked, looking at Spencer with a raised eyebrow.

Spencer gave Garcia a look. "Piano." He muttered.

JJ looked impressed. "You play the piano?"

"I..uh...,"

"Yep. He's excellent at it too. Guess there's a lot to little Reid we don't know."

Reid shot her a glass before sipping his coffee, wanting nothing to do with this conversation.

JJ shrugged. "I guess you're right. Well.. you two have fun."

Garcia grinned before looking at Spencer once JJ was gone. "Have you used?"

It was creepy how she could go from playful to serious so quickly. He gave a short shake of the head and she smiled, ruffling his hair.

"Good boy."

"I'm not a dog, Penelope."

She smiled a little. "I like that."

"That I'm not a dog?"

She rolled her eyes, slinging her arm over his shoulder. "You calling me Penelope, cutie. Although, I must admit, I like that you're not a dog, as well." She winked.

They walked back and Morgan raised an eyebrow. "Cheating on me, gorgeous?"

She laughed as Reid sat down at his desk. "You know I only have eyes for you, my sweet chocolate muffin."

Reid shot her a confused look, which she noticed and smiled a little. Did he look a little hurt as well? That was interesting. Very interesting, indeed. She winked at Reid.

"See you guys later."

Reid smiled. "Bye Pene - Garcia."

She smiled, seeing the look Morgan was giving him. They would be talking about that as soon as she left, which she did, with intent to hack the pen's cameras.

"Penelope, huh?" Morgan asked with a grin.

"You call her Penelope."

'Yeah, but I also call her sexy and gorgeous and she also gives me the I want to jump you so bad look."

"So? Just because I call someone by their first name doesn't mean..."

"Oh Stop, We all know you have a thing for blondes. Case and Point, JJ last year."

Spencer flushed. "It... I.. Gideon -"

"Yeah, yeah. Top secret date and all. I remember. Now you're giving my girl the eye."

"She's not 'your girl'." Spencer said before shaking his head. "Not that I'm giving her...the eye anyway."

"Whatever you say, Pretty boy. Whatever you say."

**Criminal Minds || Different Sides and Broken Pieces **

Spencer couldn't take it anymore. He was on his way to the bathroom, bag in hand. He just needed something. Just a little to take the edge of, to keep him from snapping, from seeing Tobias' face on every victim and unsub.

Garcia grabbed his shoulder, turning him around.

"And where do you think you're going?"

He gulped. "I was... just... I had to..."

"Uh huh." Penelope said and grabbed his wrist, pulling him into her office.

"Hand it over."

"What?" 

"Hand. It. Over."

"No!" He said, before looking at her, a desperate look in his eyes. "I need it."

She sighed, sitting down at her desk. "No you don't, Spencer."

He rolled his eyes. "You don't know what it's like."

"I have an idea. I watched it. Spence, I saw everything you saw."

"Watching it is a little different than living it, don't you think?" He snapped and she shook her head. He was just frustrated because he hadn't used. And it was just the first day. It was going to get worse.

"You're right. It is, but you... I..." She huffed. "I watched you die, Spencer!"

"Like it matters. You only really care about Morgan anyways."

She blinked. "Do you not listen to a thing I say, Reid?"

"Yes, I do. You only have eyes for your precious... chocolate muffin."

She laughed and he rolled his eyes. "I'm going to the bathroom."

"Spencer, no." She got up. "I'm sorry, I laughed. It was... just... you're too cute for your own good sometimes."

He looked at her confused and Garcia ruffled his hair. "Why don't you just sit in here with me for awhile, okay? The cases are getting to you, so... just sit in here and talk with me." 

She couldn't help but smile as he looked even more confused but sighed. He sat down in a huff, clutching his bag. He wasn't going to go use and now, she knew for sure that the man was feeling _something _for her, enough to be a little jealous of Morgan. She sighed. If only things were different. She couldn't let them do anything while he was in such pain. Man, that sucked.


	5. Chapter 5

Garcia opened the door and surprising saw the little genius. She smiled.

"I didn't think you'd show." She said and ruffled his hair.

He shrugged. "You took my vial." He said, entering the apartment. He looked around at the purple walls and eccentric decorating.

"You just noticed. That's good."

"When did you take it?" He asked.

"While you were sleeping."

"It wasn't yours to take." 

"Neither was it yours."

He rolled his eyes. "Just give it back." 

"No. Now sit down, we're watching movies tonight. I'm making popcorn."

"Garcia, give it back."

Penelope ignored him, making her way into the kitchen. "Can't hear you over the popping."

She turned to see him running his hands through his hair before rubbing his arm, looking around for the vial. She sighed. It made her sad to see him so...desperate. Snd yet, proud that it had taken him another 24 hours to notice it was missing. He scratched at his arm now, looking into one of her boxes. He looked a little pale - well, paler than normal and sweaty as he searched. She got the popcorn ready and made her way back into the living room.

"Spencer."

"Penelope, please. I can't... I can't take it anymore. My heart is racing and I'm sweaty and I... I just need it. Please."

She shook her head. "It'll pass."

"Please."

The look he was giving her was pitiful. And had it been anything else, she would have gave it up without a second notice. She set down the popcorn and stood up. She pushed his matted hair off his forehead. "You'll be fine, Spencer. You're going through withdrawals. Just sit down."

"I need my vial!" He grabbed her wrist. "Just give it to me."

Penelope pulled her hand away. "Sit down, Spencer."

Spencer breathed out forcefully through his nose. "just give me the damn vial and I'll get out of here."

He was getting mean. She knew he was frustrated and angry and desperate. If she let him leave, he might go score something else, just to stop the tremors. Yes, he was definitely shaking. He slammed his hands against one of her tables before bowing his head, brown wavy hair falling around his face. He seemed to tremble and Penelope didn't know if it was from the withdrawal or something else. She took a step behind him, wrapping her arms around his torso and resting her head on his back. She could hear his rapid heart beat and sighed. "It'll be okay."

"I hate this." He said, his voice weak. "I can't... I... I'm not in control."

"Yes you are, Spencer. You can beat this." She closed her eyes, listening to his heartbeat.

"I can't eat. I can't eat and I can't sleep and I... I can't stop shaking. I just.. please, just give me it. I can't.. I can't continue this, Penelope. I can't work like this!"

"Then take a few days off. I'll take care of you."

He sighed and a tremor shot through him. Penelope pulled him closer to her and he just shook his head.

"I can't live like this. I can... I can work myself off of it. I just.. I can't do it like this. I need... I can't.. I need control, Penelope. I need to be in control."

"I'm not going to let you get hurt, Spencer."

"I'm hearing voices." He said, softly and she opened her eyes, wide.

"What?"

"I'm... they're telling me that'll make me feel better. That I should just..." He shook his head. "They're telling me bad things, Penelope. Bad, Bad things."

She turned him in her arms, "Look at me."

He shook his head. How could he look at her. He was... He was hearing voices! He was in her living room, searching through her things and then almost hurting her. He had thought of hurting her for a damn vial. That wasn't him. That wasn't him at all and if that's who he was when he was off the drug, he didn't want to get off of it.

She grabbed his face and yanked it up, their eyes meeting.

"It's just the withdrawals. You are withdrawling from the drug. The voices will go away and so will the shaking. Everything will go away and you'll be better. You got to trust me, Reid. I've been there." 

She watched as he kept his eyes on hers. He was kind of rocking. It was so strange to see the man so out of control. She just wanted to make everything better for him. She pushed his hair out of his face again. "You're going to be okay, Spencer. You'll be okay."

"I'm going to be sick."

She let go of him as he rushed to the bathroom. She sighed and went to go get him a glass of water. She grabbed her phone and called Hotch too, telling him that Reid and that he wouldn't be in for a few days and that she wouldn't either. She couldn't leave him like this. It was final. He was staying here until he was safe, until he was clean.


	6. Chapter 6

Spencer came out of the bathroom, looking a little bit better. He took the water and sipped it, sitting on her couch. Garcia moved next to him, looking at him.

"Do you feel better?" She asked.

He handed back the water before laying down, resting his head in her lap. "Just put on the movie."

Garcia sighed and grabbed the remote, pressing play. She looked down as he watched Finding Nemo. He was so innocent before this, wasn't he? He always seemed like it. And now...now he was absolutely destroyed. And yet, he was still smiling at the movie. It was a small, barely noticable and it didn't really reach his eyes, but it was ran her fingers through his hair causing him to look up. He was still sweating and shaking, but the anger had seemingly frustrated.

She kissed her fingertips and ran them over his forehead, causing him to smile a bit more.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked. softly.

"You're my friend, Spencer."

His eyes closed as her fingers traced his cheekbones down his jaw. He breathed in sharply.

"Do friends touch each other like that?" He asked as a tremble went through him.

She smiled a little. "I'm not doing anything, Spencer."

"Nothing feels good then."

He said opening his eyes. He smiled at her smile.

"You're a dork, you know that?" Penelope said and chuckled. The boy shivered and Penelope frowned. "Do you want a blanket?"

"I'm not cold."

She sighed. "I wish I could help you more, Spencer. I know it sucks."

"You could give me the vial." He said, weakly and she shook her head. "I can't, Spencer."

He sighed. "Then keep doing what you were doing."

He tilted his head back, giving her more access to run his fingers over his skin. She smirked a little but did as he said; it was the least she could to do to make him feel comfortable. Garcia ran her fingers down his jaw line to his chin down his throat, over his Adam's apple. He swallowed as she did it and she smirked a little.

"Soft." He muttered.

"I couldn't hurt my sweet little genius." She said, his fingers running over his skin, near his ear and he tensed.

"What?" She asked, noticing the change.

He shook his head just a little, so she moved her fingers over the area again and he shivered. She raised an eyebrow. "Does that tickle?"

He opened his eyes and she almost gasped at the look in his eyes. "N-no. It.. it doesn't tickle."

"I see." She said. There was a lusty look in his eyes. "Should I stop doing it?"

He licked his lips, "No." He breathed out, tilting his head a little,. looking back at the movie.

Penelope bite at her bottom lip, wondering if she should move. She ran her hand through his hair, considering it. He was a cutie and smart. He was a nice guy, but he was withdrawling right now. It wouldn't be right of her to take advantage of him during his time of need. She felt him tense again and looked back at him, her fingertips running behind his ear.

She pulled her hands away and he turned to look at her, a little confused. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. just...thirsty." She patted his head, getting him to move. She made her way to her kitchen, looking in the fridge. She grabbed herself a soda and leaned against her counter. She sipped her drink, his voice in her head. Do friends touch each other like that? She'd be lying if she didn't say she didn't find the man attractive and interesting. She had a crush. She had to admit. And he was responding to her touches. If he had moaned or groaned, she would have... Oh no. She was supposed to be helping, not fantasizing! She returned to the living room to see the man curled up around a pink pillow, asleep. She sighed.

At least that made it easier. She couldn't let him sleep on the couch though. Could she? It was probably better. He'd be closer to the bathroom if he woke up sick. She nodded and grabbed the popcorn, before setting it back down. In case he got hungry. She ran her fingers over his forehead before kissing it.

"Good night, Doc."

Criminal Minds || Different Sides and Broken Pieces

Penelope woke up to the weight shifting on the bed. She opened her eyes to see the boy siting on the corner.

"What are you doing?" She asked softly and he jumped a little.

He turned to look at her. "I... I thought you were sleeping."

"I figured. You okay?" She turned on the light and grabbed her glasses, sitting up.

"You don't have any pain medications."

"I'm not in pain."

"Not even an over the counter."

"You went through my medicine cabinet."

He bowed his head. "I woke up, drenched. and I just... I needed something. You don't have anything."

He rocked a little and Penelope sighed a little. She moved down the bed and touched his shoulder. He turned towards her and she pulled back at how close they were. She watched as his eyes fell to her lips and opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by his lips crashing against hers in a rough, needy kiss. A moan escaped her lips as she grabbed at him before her mind completely registered the situation. She pushed him back.

"Spencer!" She looked at him a little shocked. His eyes widened and he got off the bed.

"I..." He rubbed his temples. "I,... the.. I.. uh, shit."

She frowned, that wasn't really the reaction she was expecting.

"You... You kissed me." She said, looking at him as he seemed to be retreating inside of himself. She got out of the bed. "Hey.. hey, it's okay. Just... a little..unexpected. Why... why did you kiss me?"

"Said it'd make me feel better." He mumbled.

"The voices?" Penelope said and he nodded a little. She frowned. "And did it?"

He raised his eyes and his lips darted against his bottom lip. "A little."

Penelope breathed out through her nose. "How did it help?" 

Spencer looked down at her and swallowed difficultly. "Didn't think about using."

"Drugs, you mean." She muttered a little.

Spencer made a face. "I didn't mean..."

"Shh." She said and leaned up and kissed him, a softer kiss this time. His hands moved to the side of her face and he deepened the kiss. She pulled back, her senses coming back to her.

"Spencer...this...what we were doing...It's..."

He looked at her, his brown eyes a darker shade than she'd ever seen them. She licked her lips. "It's what?" He asked, his thumb moving on her bottom lip. She sighed.

"It's.. It's... We.. I mean, we're..."

"Penelope," he said, before capturing her lips when his against. Who knew Spencer Reid would know how to kiss. Her hands moved to his back, her fingertips at the base of his spine. He stepped toward the bed and when her calves hit the edge of it, she knew there was no turning back.


	7. Chapter 7

"Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God." Penelope said, coming into JJ's office.

JJ raised her eyes to see her funky friend in a freak out. She raised an eyebrow before narrowing her eyes.

"Do you have a hickey, Pen?"

Penelope's eyes widened and covered her neck. "Oh God."

JJ looked amused before pointing to the chair. "Sit and tell."

Penelope sat before taking a breath. "I..I had the most wonderful night last night. Ever. Like...I..You wouldn't believe how amazing it was."

JJ raised her eyebrows. "I see that. Not one hickey, but... 3..no 4."

Penelope's eyes widened. "Four? Oh god, Derek is going to kill him."

JJ laughed. "I'm sure he'd be proud that you got some loving. Now tell me who is this Mr. Wonderful."

"I can't tell you! I... I.. I..we.." Penelope paused and took a breath. "I think he used me. No I know he used me. I let him and my god, Jayje. He can use me whenever he wants."

"Okay, I'm not following, Pen."

Penelope bit at her lip. "So...this guy..."

"The Wonderful User."

"Yes, he came over and...well, he's.. going through something and... we were watching a movie and anyways, he fell asleep. and Later, he came into my room and he kissed me! And it was hard and rough and..." She groaned and JJ laughed again.

"Good."

"Very good. and it sort of led...to more, and my god. This man's hands. and his lips and...Oh lordy, Jayje."

There was a knock at JJ's door and Hotch poked his head in. He frowned when he saw Garcia.

"I thought you were taking care of Spencer?"

JJ's eyes widened. "No...way."

Penelope flushed. "I... Yeah, I just.. I had to grab something from my office."

She got up to leave and JJ spoke.

"Penelope Quinn Garcia."

The blond froze and Hotch looked between them too. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Yes."

"No!" Penelope said.

Hotch frowned. "Well... JJ, when you're free, will you please come to my office to discuss the cases."

"Yes sir. It won't be long."

Hotch nodded, looking at Penelope. "Tell Spencer we hope he feels better."

"Oh, I'm sure he's feeling much better." JJ mused and Hotch gave her a look before stepping outside.

"Spencer Reid is the wonderful user?"

Penelope flushed. "I-"

"His hands, His lips... You...Spence."

"It was -"

JJ raised her hand, not wanting to hear anymore. She had already heard too much. She rubbed her head and chuckled. "Wow."

"You can't tell Derek."

"Like he'd believe it!"

Penelope nodded. "I should...go."

JJ nodded. "Wait. One question."

Penelope looked back at her. "Yeah?"

"Did he... He didn't spout of statistics during, did he?"

Penelope laughed. "Oh definitely not."

**Criminal Minds || Different Sides and Broken Pieces**

Spencer growled as he looked in another box. The damn vial wasn't here. He had looked everywhere. He ran his hands through his hair, resting them against his neck as he looked around. He sighed and looked down at himself. He looked ridiculous, he was wearing a pair of Garcia's sweats and that was all, but they were pink and a half foot too short. The door opened and Garcia entered, her eyes running over him.

"Pink...Well, you look good in pink, Reid."

He turned to look at her and she frowned. He looked worse than he did yesterday. She made her way towards him, ignoring the marks she had left on his chest. She placed her hand on his forehead. He was definitely feverish.

"Hotch says he hopes you feel better."

"I'd feel better if you gave me my damn vial." He muttered,. turning around, looking in a box he'd already looked it.

"Spencer, I got rid of it."

"You what?" He turned back to look at her and Penelope took a step back. The look in his eye was so unlike Reid. She licked her lips. "I trashed it."

Spencer basically growled and slammed his hands into her table. "I needed that! You.. You can't just throw away things like that, Garcia. It's... I..." He ran his hands through his hair and tugged before rubbing his face. His shoulders slumped a little and Penelope took a step towards him, reaching out. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer, very very close. Penelope held her breath as he stared at her.

"Spencer..." She said, softly as his grip tightened a little. "You're hurting me."

His eyes widened a little and he let go. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Penelope."

She hesitated before putting her hands on his chest. "It's fine. Did you eat while you were snooping or..."

He shook his head, looking down at her. She was so close. They were so close and there was so much skin to skin contact. It was nice. Last night was nice. Nice wasn't the right word. Animalistic fit much better. She was... and he had - he blushed at his own thoughts. Penelope noticed and raised an eyebrow at him.

"What's going on in that big ol' brain of yours, Mr. Smarty Pants."

He shook his head before stepping away from her, breaking the contact. They couldn't do that again. He couldn't let that happen again. She was a coworker. They worked together. She was... She was his close friend and... He looked at her. She had marks on her neck from his mouth.

"Your neck." He murmured and she blushed a little, her fingers moving against the skin.

"Oh, don't worry about it, Spencer. Doesn't hurt or , you got some matching ones." She said, reaching out and touching the bite marks. He looked down and flushed at both the sight and how her fingers traveled down to his stomach.

"We...uh... Last night was...What I'm trying to say is... I... we should probably..."

"Reid, just shut up."


	8. Chapter 8

Spencer stared at the sleeping woman next to him. He licked his lips, thinking about the last night. They had repeated previous activities. He flushed, just thinking about his. His mind seemed more clear than the last few days. The need to use was still very evident, but it seemed more...muted. He sighed. What was he supposed to do now? He silently and slowly slipped out of the bed, grabbing his clothes from the previous days. He felt dirty, almost, but he needed to get away from this. He needed to analyze it, think about everything and being in her presence was making it difficult to do so. He buttons his shirt, looking at his friend. They had slept together. Twice. He and Penelope. He shook his head. He needed to get out of here. Where would he go? Home? No. Home was too close to his dealer. He could get a new vial and then he'd be right back in the situation he had been trying to get out of. Forced out of? He couldn't let down Penelope like that. Work. Work was a good idea. He slipped on his shoes before leaving the room and the house.

**Criminal Minds || Different Sides and Broken Pieces**

"Spencer Reid." JJ called and he paused, turning slowly. He smiled weakly at the blond.

"Hi, JJ."

"My office. Now." She said, an amused glint in her eye before she turned and walked back to her office.

Morgan looked at the two. "Oh man, what did you do?"

Reid looked at Morgan, helpless, causing the man to laugh. "Better not keep her waiting!"

Reid nodded, following the woman up. He closed the door before looking at his friend. "Yes?"

"Sit." JJ said, leaning against her desk.

Reid licked his lips before sitting down. "Did I-"

"I know about you and Garcia."

Spencer flushed the deepest shade of red JJ had ever seen. "I.. We.. I.. It-It-It was..."

"Shh. I think it's great. I mean, not if you're using her. Which is why I brought you in here. She said that you used her and that is-"

"I was just.. She helped me-"

"Oh, I bet she helped you." JJ laughed. "I don't know the story and honestly, I don't think I want to, but she is my best friend and if you break her heart, I will kick your scrawny little ass, you understand."

Spencer gulped. "Aren't I your friend as well?"

"Very true. And if Pen hurts you, I'll have to kick her ass as well, but supposedly, you were the user, not she."

Spencer nodded, pausing, obviously thinking. "What if it was just... what if there is no relationship other than.. I mean, what if..." 

JJ raised an eyebrow. "Spit it out, Spence."

"She's my co-worker and I... I needed her help and now I'm... I can help myself now. and I..."

JJ was staring at him like he was crazy. "We had sexual interactions, yes, but that's all it should be. I'm not.. We shouldn't.. I mean, wouldn't that..."

"Spence. You know the type of person Pen is. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't have.. there wouldn't have been any 'interactions'."

"Okay, but what if I'm uncertain of my own feelings?"

JJ frowned. "What?"

"She's my friend. A close friend, even. I don't think that I should risk that friendship for a relationship, which realistically, is probably not going to work anyways."

JJ opened her mouth to speak when there was a knock on the door. "Come in." JJ said, looking at Spencer a little shocked.

Garcia looked in. "Hotch has you had a file for me?"

JJ nodded, looking at the blond, before looking at the man, who shifted in his seat. He kept his eyes off Garcia, concentrating on his shoes. JJ frowned. This was not going to be good at all.

**Author's Note:**

**Sorry so short! Next one will be longer. Trying to get back into this story. **


	9. Chapter 9

Spencer jumped when a piece of paper hit his cheek. Morgan laughed and looked at him.

"What's up with you? You've been burning a hole into Garcia's door all morning."

"What? No I haven't. I... was just thinking about things."

"Involving our crazy yet lovable beautiful tech goddess?"

"No." Spencer said and sighed. He looked down at his files, but they were all completed. He looked back at her door. "She didn't say Good morning to me today."

"You must have made her angry. Go apologize."

"I didn't do anything."

"It doesn't matter. Go apologize."

Spencer looked at him before shrugging and getting up. He knocked on her office door before peeking in.

"Gar...Penelope?"

She turned to look at him. "Junior G-man, How goes it?" 

He frowned. She seemed normal. "It's okay. Are you..." He sat down next to her. "Are you mad at me?"

She turned in her chair. "Why would I be mad?"

"I left without-"

"You freaked out. You were freaking out yesterday. I assumed."

He watched her, looking for something underneath the understanding. "Yes, but it was rude."

"I knew what to expect, Spencer. I'm not a child. You needed a release due to the withdrawals. I... I've been there." She shrugged before turning back to her computers.

He frowned. "So... that's it?"

"That's it."

He opened his mouth to speak before closing it. He didn't know what to say. It felt wrong. It felt dirty. He grabbed at her basket of toys and took one in his hands. He couldn't leave.

She looked back at him. "You going to hang out here for a while?"

He nodded, not looking up from the toy in his hands.

**Criminal Minds || Different Sides and Broken Pieces**

He stared up at the jazz musician before running his fingers over the wine glass. The day had been easier than the days before. Garcia had given him a list of meetings he could go to, but he wasn't ready for that. He wasn't ready to admit to a group of people that he had... a problem.

He sighed and looked up at the man who played. His face conformed, flashing real emotions. Deep emotion as his fingers moved skillfully over the guitar frets. This was one of the few performances that were real and beautiful. The lot was full of mimics, playing songs written by others and performed without a real ounce of realization. Spencer closed his eyes and felt the man play, enjoying each line and chord.

His eyes opened when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes slowly and stared at the man who now moved to sit across from him. His dealer. His provider.

"Hey, man, you called?"

"Days ago." 

"What can I say, I'm a busy man." The guy grinned and Spencer stared at him. "Always so serious, Doctor Doogie."

Spencer didn't get the reference.

"Doogie Howser, oh come on. Don't you watch any tv, man?"

Spencer just shook his head and the man rolled his eyes. "So another vial?"

"I..." He licked his lips, contemplating it. He could cut back on the dosage so that Penelope wouldn't know. He could do that. No, she'd know.

"Do you have anything less...noticeable?"

The man raised an eyebrow. "Less noticable?"

Spencer shrugged. He had no idea what he was talking about.

He felt arms around his neck and he tightened when his nostrils were filled with a familiar smell. He felt the breathe on his ear as she spoke.

"We won't be needing your expertise on anything anymore, kind sir." She spoke to the man and he raised an eyebrow.

The man looked at Spencer who shrugged. "I'll talk to you later."

Spencer turned to see Garcia looking down at him. "Less noticeable, huh?"

He flushed. "I didn't..."

"Are you really that addicted, Spencer?"

"I'm not addicted to anything."

"Mmhmm." She said, moving away to occupy the seat of the man who had left them.

"I just want to feel." He murmured.

Garcia frowned and reached out for his hands. "There are other ways to feel other than drugs, Spencer."

He looked at their hands. "Not without hurting someone else."

She watched as he flipped her hand and ran his fingers over the lines of her palm. It slightly tickled and yet when he moved upward tracing her veins it felt very remicsinent of the times she had used. She hadn't realized she wasn't breathing when he spoke.

"You have beautiful veins."

It was a strange line and yet very Reid. She watched as he traced the blue lines in her skin.

"Median Antebranchial...Cephalic..."

"Spencer."

He looked up and closed his eyes when her lips met his. His hand moved away from her arm to her face, the other joining it on the other side. The kiss was strong, passionate, much like the ones before them and Garcia only pulled away when the necessity of breath became known. She stared at him, who was breathing heavy. He pulled his hands away from her.

"We shouldn't... We can't continue to do this." He murmured and yet, leaned into kiss her again, regardless. she took his bottom lip in between her teeth and tugged, causing him to grab at her again.

"Why not?"

"We're... you're..."

"Stop." Garcia said and he looked at her a little lost. She ran her fingers over his cheek. "Take me to dinner and we'll talk and we'll see if this is more than just that. Deal?"

"Deal." 


End file.
